modelling?

Well, I'm in a place in my life right now where EVERYTHING is confusing... And I'm questioning Everything....

So what am I going to do about it..

there are a few things I have been thinking of... I Realize I never give time to MYSELF or think about myself...and i think it's time i start..

first off... With My career choice. don't get me wrong. I Like working as a hairstylist right now. I Love my regulars that come in... (Most of them) haha... I don't liek the place i workt though... My manager is awesome, but There is so much wrong th first choice that I just feel that I'm not working at my fuill potential and not learning The Skills and techniques That I Could be learning if I were working in a higher end salon... There is a reason why People go to other salons... Is because There are some things that they do/learn/know that You just can't get out of first choice. I feel like If I stay there any longer, I won't be able to reach my full potential...

I Also Want to start doing research on how to get into platform art.. Doing hairstyles for runways and Such.
First things first though.
I have to get My butt in gear and Study for my redseal exam... Even If I don't continue in the hairstyling path, As much as I enjoy it, I Woudl love to still be licensed in all of this.

Which also reminds me to get my butt in gear and send the association money for my new license!
Hard to believe that i've already been licensed for over a year now!

so that's the first thing that's kinda got me thinking right now!


Second of all... about the Title Of this post... Modelling. I have done photoshoots for a friend to help With Her portolio and projects and Assignments for her photography course!..
I Loved it. I had so much fun. And I love having my picture taken. I remember when i was younger, and I use to HATE it, but I don't know why that's changed... So Much is changing lately, And I Want to live my life in a way that i will be happy with it.. so. I have been saving the pictures from hose photoshoots... I Will be doing another photoshoot soon Slightly more explicit than The last few... (No, I will not be nude).. hahah!.... but I want something more in the Modelling Portfolio that i'm building for myself....
I have also been doinga bit of research for "cyber/goth" modelling angencies around ottawa... no luck yet!.. but I have found a few different modelling angencies around here just have to look into them a bit more....
It's something I'm totally serious about doing, And Want to attempt to see if it goes anywhere.. If it does, that woudl be awesome... if not, Then at least i tried, and Know, instead of wondering if it coudl of ever happened...
I have had many people tell me I should model..lots of friends, and Lots of random people... even one of my friends Who was a model.. who has an agent said I woudl be great for it..... It's just to find the right place to start!

What else... oh yeah.. With guys... I have been on dates and such... Seeing people... (not all at the same time).. hahah. And I find myself Not really interested anymore... not right now anyways... afte patrick, everything just goa lot harder, and I couldn't find myself Liking people... And Guys Tend to fall WAY too fast around here... It's alsmot kinda scary... I had one guy say he loved me.. I told him to stop, because i didn't love him! hah!... I just can't find myself loving someone else After Loving patrick As much as i did... And now, the word "love" has kinda lost all meaning to me right now...

I think I need to give it a break from guys... A Break from Work(which I'm not going to do, but i want to), A break From everyone and everything, And Just think about myself for once....

Same with the manager position in my last post... Maybe it is a good idea that i ask angie to try to get me promoted to assistant manager. I mean, Lots of drama and annoying Bitches that i work with will just be a part of the whole package of being assistant manager... and, It may help me in the long run once I'm out on my own.. get me the skills I Need to do something more than just being someone's Employee!!..

again, even if i don't stay in the Hair business, The experience of being the assistant manager will Help me in the future....

There is jut so much to think about.....

also, As Much as I miss home, Maybe I need to think about moving to a bigger city as well... Maybe to Toronto!... I have had LOTS of people tell me TO is more for me.. There is better careet opportunity.. there ARE "goth" modelling angencies in TO... AND, I will Be able to start a new life all over, something more...ME..., not knowing anyone or where anythign is.. Just wander around and get ost in the big city, Making it on my own!!!!......

I have dreams to live out, And If I'm going to go anywhere in life, in followig these dreams, It's time to start thinking of myself, and to start planning on How to get started with everything....

hmm.. I haven't done these posts in a long time... I forgot how much i liked just venting about nothing! hahah!!

What else....
on other notes..
things are a little quiet without brandie here...or at work... I can't Wait til she comes home For her bithday... I will have someone To Laugh at all the randomocities with.. AND, gaxxy Cat(my kitty) Misses her too.. lol..

Also, speaking of my kitty, I'm planning on getting new rats soon!.. At least one for sure..

And.. Other than that, I Have to go Now. I have to work tomorrow, And I have A lot to do before AND after work...
AND i have wednesdya off, And have a lot to do wednesday as well... It'll all to get started on My New path in life!!...

Lets see Where It takes me!
Bye all!